Greetings to all the those who walk amongst the ELITE, it is none other than ELITE’s resident heckler and head reporter in charge, Reno, with this week’s edition of The Reno Report. I’ll be covering the Eurocup #1 Contender’s match as tonight’s headline story, but first...

As I mentioned last week, I said I would be covering the rivalry between Jose Fernandez, and one of the lucky bastards looking for a shot at the Universal Championship, Arrow the MVP...

There’s just one problem though...

Through all the bitching these two have done in ELITE, everyone knows that this rivalry started not here, but in the WWF. And, thanks to their bad business practices, their video library up until their network change has been confiscated by their previous network, never to be seen again. This is mostly due to lack of overall interest in the product, plus legal battle bullshit makes it cheaper just to let that crap gather dust, rather than hand it over.

What started as a tiff between two former stablemates in the WWF has turned into the makings of a blood feud and I can’t show shit...

The only people who can truly tell this story are Arrow and Jose...

So I got in touch with both of them in order to finally get this story over and done with, but something more interesting came out of it.

Roll the Jose segment…

Yes, Arrow and I have been at each other for quite sometime. His ego still allows him to believe that he beat me with relative ease but all one has to do is look at the tapes and you will see a different story. Since coming to Elite, my mind has been clouded. I came here with a different mindset and slowly it started to take its toll on me. No longer was I the fun-loving Columbian who made a name for himself with jokes and surprising talent. I became a shell of my former self when joining Elite and it became noticeable.

Look at the shit I was spewing. I had on a Goddamn sombrero when facing the infamous Sixteen instead of actually making some sense. That loss was the beginning of my downward spiral. Then, I had the chance to face my long time foe, Arrow. I thought to myself; "Shit this is a great way to propel myself." What I didn't get at the time was that Arrow himself had vastly improved. I underestimated him and paid the price for it. I'll give the devil his due but don't think for one second that the victory came easy for him. It was a long match with both of us giving everything we had.

Now that asshole will say that he won with no problem. The monstrous ego has only inflated over time to a point where it's fucking annoying. Focusing on the past is okay at certain times but this is ri-goddamn-diculous. Nothing much I can do now, but I do have a message for him.

Arrow, the time will come when I will return to wrestling. I will get back into the ring, and do what I love to do. I'm not going to say I will beat you, but I want to put an end to this once and for all. When I do heal, I want it to be Arrow vs. Jose for final time. We end this shit, and at the end of the match, regardless of who wins or losses, I will go about my business. For once in your life Arrow, be a man and go out on the right note.

Once upon a time, Arrow and Jose stood side by side in that ring, and I didn't think about it at the time but we were quite the dominating force.

I think that about says what I need to say.

Arrow vs. Jose for the last fucking time? Jose actually giving Arrow some fucking credit?

As you can tell, this was just too good to pass up. So, I decided to show this to Arrow…

And here’s where his response would be, had the fucker ever gave one.

I made sure the fuck saw, really, but he just said nothing and went to planning out his next thesis on why he thinks he’s gonna win the Universal Championship tournament... The fucker…

GAWDDAMN LOOK AT THE TIME!

Run the headline now!

The second coming of ELITE also brings with it the return of the Eurocup division, with two teams coming right out the gate for their shot at greatness by getting a chance to beat the hell out of Force and Co. with the Big Trophy at stake.

Let’s take a look…

First up, is the team of Brendan Black and Matt Ford. These two somehow became partners, as well as somehow garnered the attention of the fans, thanks mostly to the ELITE vs ELW dispute acting as a common uniting force between the two. And, they’ve been bitching about it ever since...

But then again they’ve always been whiny bitches haven’t they?

Who the fuck do they think they are? Rodney Dangerfield or something?

No… They ain’t Rodney... Rodney was actually fucking entertaining...

These bitches just think they don’t get respect when they ain’t fucking earned it here.

Here’s your chance fuckers...

Zero... Former European Champion... Never Lost the Belt...

Sixteen... Former ELW Champion... Longest Holder of that Belt period…

Although he lost it to fucking Alabaster Flex... along with his financial security but I'll get back to that later...

In regards to talent, there ain’t much I can say singles-wise. Both of them have had singles success, they’re just untested together as a team. Though I have to give credit to my fellow members of the gay-bi community for showing enthusiasm and overwhelming confidence.

Oops... Did I let that slip out?

Well, since this little fact is out in the open...

I might as end this with a question that many people gay, straight, and in-between want to fucking know...

WHERE IS THE DAMN SEX TAPE SIXTEEN?

I know you fucking have one and I know how little effort it takes for you to make that shit public... I watched the Duchesse tape...

And if you don't have one, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

One night of you shoving random objects in the asshole of a incapacitated Zero is worth ten billion times more money than Zero is actually worth...

Seriously...

And with that we are out of time. If you haven’t got your fucking ELITE, what the fuck are you waiting for?

As for next week, I have no clue what to write about… Send me ideas…

Hell...

Send me Questions...

I'll do what I can to get the good ones answered...

Peace Out...