http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/categories/articulate-assassination/feed.rss Wed, 22 Feb 12 12:52:26 -0700 Articulate Assassination - ELITE - European League International Television Entertainment en-CA http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/103/no-more Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:56:45 -0700 TheSupremeForce 103@/discussions Disappointment.

Nightcat sighs. He's visibly unhappy, which is nothing new. The difference today is that he doesn't seem angry. Not even a little. He sighs again. All is not well in Nightcat's world.

That sums it up. I hate being wrong.
And I fucking HATE admitting it when it happens.

Well, I was wrong. All of you can fuck off. I refuse to hear an "I told you so."

Lance, I truly believed that you were a Warrior. That you were different.

That you were an enemy worth my time.
Oh, how mistaken I was.

You're not a Warrior. Not a monster.
Barely a man.

Nothing but another fake living off a legacy that isn't half as impressive as your braindead fans remember.

Imposter!
I call you. You've been outed.

I'm finished with you.

All that remains is the killing stroke.
Soon, Lance.

It will all be over.

YOU will be over.
No more games.
No more toying with you.

You are done.
See you soon, Bitch.]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/102/the-battle-rages-on... Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:41:17 -0700 Nedved 102@/discussions Big mistake, dipshit...


His tone is markedly different.  It's really the first time he's deviated from his vintage grave and frank yet strangely pleasant tone.  


I try to be a gentleman and a good sport.  I really do.  But a man can tolerate only so much before having to give free reign to his instinctual urges...

Congratulations, idiot.  

You've been on my radar all along, but consider this snubbing to be the straw that broke the camel's back.  He will endure your bullshit no longer.  He has morphed him into a beast whose ire is flared up.

I'm not referring to an ugly weirdo who beats his chest and flaps his gums incessantly, only to trip over his own tail and choke constantly - hello, Nightcat -  but rather to a lethally efficient machine of a human being who mows down all targets.   

Right now I am tempted to entirely snuff your faint, fading star out, Joshua, forever darkening J-Crew's Celestial solar system.


Incensed or not, the man is good with words.  Damn good.


I introduced myself formally.  

Not that I needed to tell you who I am, being the man who has single handedly kept your sorry excuse for a faction from claiming the second biggest prize in this company for weeks.  Not to mention that fact that I haven't been pinned since my debut.  

But apparently a man who spent a considerable portion of his high school life becoming well-acquainted with the inside of his locker is a bigger threat to you....

Now, I don't want to create the impression that I am somehow hurt by the fact that you overlooked me; I can assure you that I'm not.  

What it comes down to is the fact that I am also sick and tired, Joshua.  That's probably the only thing we have in common at this point.

I am sickened by your smug attitude, sense of entitlement and overinflated sense of self-worth.

I am tired of the fact that this company caters to your every whim, allowing your cronies to do as they please and permitting you to weasel your way out of matches you feel you shouldn't have to compete in.


Triple J should be working on getting his lawyers to try to find a way censor the old Val train as he speaks...


You're pathetic, Jones.  

For all the whining you've done about that fact that Sabre is a crazy Pyromaniac, you don't seem at all bothered by the fact that your good buddy Jack Fellow is every bit as twisted and sadistic as Sabre is - that he relishes ambushing me and beating me to a pulp but can't do so without the backing of the rest of your pitiful bed-buddies.  

Guess what, Princess?  Profit's competing against Sabre regardless of how demented or dangerous he may be.  I am willing to step inside a cage with Jack to settle the score for good.  It's what being a wrestler is all about.  

But we wouldn't want you to break a nail, right? 


Would that really sit well with a man who once brought up cosmetics in a verbal battle against Steadfast?


I am quite amused by the amount effort everyone around here everyone expends on you, hoping, wishing, you would get a damn clue... while you continually prove to not be worth the trouble.  

You aren't brilliant, Joshua; you're merely untalented, clumsy and childish.  The combination may make you mildly amusing, but you the "entertainment" it brings about is nothing to brag about.  People only laugh at you.

You're more of a sorry bitch than you are an underdog.  While underdogs are likeable because of their courage or fighting spirit, you're merely an overrated dud chasing a childlike dream and lacking the work rate, talent and fortitude to realize it.  The only people you can find support among are those who are inept, indolent or unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve success.


Your precious friends must really like you to constantly go out of their way to ensure poor Joshua doesn't cry himself to sleep.  It's just too bad Fellow will be all but a memory by the time the Battle of Canada begins.  Asp should know me well enough to stay the fuck out of my way by now.


Probably wishful thinking, however.


Yes, I'm still quite bitter about what happened the last time we shared a ring.  You didn't beat me.  You took the easy way out.  I have no doubt that I would have beat you into oblivion if you hadn't gotten Fellow to lay down...

Funny thing about using whores, however, Jones: You tend to get fucked over in the end.

Bring your finest lawyers, the best of your cronies, your baby blanket and whatever else you feel will give you an advantage because you're about to enter a torrid battlefield, Cupcake.  Your pathetic dream is about to run into an alarm clock.


At last, there is a change in tone as he moves onto Freebourne.


Maybe it's because you have an abundance of pizzazz and swagger in comparison to Jones, but I find you quite likeable at the moment, Justin.  Really, I do.  

You've got spunk, kid.  

But your ambition and courage alone won't be enough to overcome, I'm afraid.  

You're simply in over your head going up against a man who hasn't tasted defeat since before the Iron Curtain was lifted.  Is it fair to assume you were safely in your mother's womb when the Soviet Union collapsed?


It's really a sincere, reasonable question as much as it is an indirect jab.


You may once have been a major player in a promotion located in the outskirts of Canada, but I traversed this great land in my younger days, competing against some of the best wrestling talent Canada has produced.  It is not a mere coincidence that I have swept my competition in ELITE's tour of this nation.  I know it like the back of my hand, Justin...

You're still green, Freebourne.  You'll have to become black and blue before reaching the next level.  I can be of help in that regard. ]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/101/in-it-to-win-it...you-know-how-justin-do. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 09:18:11 -0700 monk 101@/discussions
Ahem.

He beams that ray of light known as his blessed smile at us, the viewing public.

HI!!!

Well, Val, it's nice to meet you too!  Val...that's kind of a cool name.  Like Val Kilmer from that Top Gun movie my mom loves.  Val...short for Valerie you said?  Cool!  I used to go to school with a Valerie but then she got sent away to a special home because she was like psycho bulimic.

He makes a motion of sticking a finger down his throat to show us what he means...and gags.

Gosh, he's so cute when he coughs...

Yeck...how'd she do that anyway?  Gross.

Anyway...I already have a lot of scars, Val...like this one!

He pulls up the sleeve of his hoodie and points to his elbow...can't really see anything.

I got this nasty one when I fell off my bike...I was like 7 or 8.  REALLY brutal.

And then I got this bad boy a couple of years ago when I fell on the ice!

He scrunches up his face and points to a tiny little line just below his eye brow...that must be it.  If it were anyone else we'd assume it was just a wrinkle, but this is Justin...he doesn't have any wrinkles. 

And then once Killjoy chipped this tooth when he threw me into a brick wall...

He points to his front tooth, that looks perfect...of course.

Oh wait...I guess I got that fixed didn't I?  Thanks Canadian health care!!

Now where was I?  Oh YEAH!  Scars...thanks for offering to leave my face alone, Val...but no need to go easy on me.  I'm a big boy and I can handle myself, thank you very much!  Just you wait and see...you ...old... guy.

Hmmm.

And I see Dungeon Master is gonna be in this too...HI!  This is great to have some more of my fellow NSFW peeps representing!  We're gonna show them aren't we buddy! 

YEAH!!

He punches the sky, brilliant smile and just kind of stares for a moment...too...long.  Awkward.

But the really cool thing is that I just found out Joshua Jones is competing as well!  Man...really cool.  I mean I've been a Joshua fan for a loooong time.  In fact you were one of my inspirations to keep trying and pushing, to be the best I could be...in life and as a wrestler. 

Well...used to be.

Now...well...you're kind of a...jerko.  I'm guessing it's just because you've been hanging out with Bags too much.  I can understand that...he's a really negative Nancy.  But I guess I'm saying...you're better than that Joshua!  And I'm gonna prove it!  Sorry to be the one to trip you up on your way to the top...but...um...life isn't fair.  I've sure learned that...but you know what guys?  Just because life isn't fair...doesn't mean the nice guys have to finish last.  And this nice guy is going straight to the top!

Oh YEAH!!

FREEBOURNE OUT!

Double peace signs and it's time to hit the showers...Justin always keeps it clean you know?
]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/100/free-at-last Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:48:17 -0700 TheSupremeForce 100@/discussions
Perfect.

The camera pans slightly, zooming out to reveal that the previous scene was only the work of some computer program. Perhaps someone was playing a game of some sort. Or maybe he's dabbling in computer effects.

Impressive, isn't it?

The Dungeon Master wears his long, white wizard robe. The hood is up, covering most of his face. He shifts, raising his simple oak staff a few inches off the floor.

It begins.
The foul powers that control ELITE tried to keep me down. They tried to keep all of us down.

No more. The way has cleared. Barricades blown apart by their own foolishness.

Simple mistake. But the ramifications are massive.
The entire industry changes overnight.

Those of us cast into the purgatory of NSFW are free.

He waves around his staff, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath.

An open challenge? Anyone can compete?

The Dungeon Master lets out a deep, wizardy laugh. This goes on for quite some time.

Very soon, I could become Universal Champion.

Truly, that is not the point. This is not about me. Not really. This is about opportunity.
It is about us.

ELITE will change. It must. I-
Nay. We will leave it no choice.

Be prepared.
You won't want to miss this.

The Dungeon Master points his staff at the camera. Suddenly, the image shatters.  
]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/99/tossing-your-cookies Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:30:37 -0700 TheSupremeForce 99@/discussions No, no, no, no... NO!

With a roar of frustration, Joshua flips over the table. Freshly baked cookies fly everywhere, showering the floor with chocolate chip filled goodness. The table bangs loudly against the tiles, sliding a bit before ending up top down against the floor. With a growl, Joshua stomps on one of the cookies, smashing it beneath his foot. For good measure.

That's enough!

I'm tired! Sick and freaking tired!

Do you hear me?!

Crouching down, Joshua seems to be directing his hostility at the overturned table, meaning that it's highly unlikely that it hears him. Regardless, Joshua continues.

I was close! So close!

I'd beaten the Champion. Taken Steve Fella to the limits.

But it wasn't enough. I didn't become Universal Champion.
I failed.

It didn't stop there. Profit knocked me out! I couldn't believe it.
I mean... sure, he's good and all, but I'd been on such a roll.

I thought I was on the cusp... Surely, the Title was within my grasp.

Joshua sighs.

What happened?
A bump in the road? Some might call it that. Nothing feels right to me though.
Then that idiot, redneck, pyromaniac came after me.
After me!

What did I ever do to him? It's out of control. Everything's spiraling... or something.

I don't know what's going to happen next.

Is that what we've fallen to around here? Is it now okay to set people on fire?

That doesn't sound very ELITE to me.
In fact, it sounds pretty shitty.

Or like Hell. Is that where we are now? Is this Hell?

No matter. I actually hope Profit destroys that Sabre guy. Profit might be mean, but at least he's just looking for a fight.
Sabre went too far. He keeps going too far.

Joshua shakes his head.

I wonder if Bags would ever go that far. Hmmm...

Joshua scratches his head. He seems to be considering his question.

Some things need to change around here. Starting with me.

Mark my words. I'm still going to be Champion someday.
Soon. I bet it's soon.

After all, why wait?

I'll just put myself in the open challenge match... I can win that, right?
Gosh, I can take Justin Freebourne.

And I can take... Well, I guess Freebourne is the only guy so far.
Hey, that makes my chances better!

Sorry, Justin, but this isn't going to be your night. I'm sure you'll be huge someday.
I don't want to take that away from you, but you'll have other opportunities to prove yourself.

I'm claiming this one. If you don't like it, that's too bad for you! Tough cookie!

This isn't about J-Crew right now. It's about Joshua Jones.
Justin, if you want to go up against me, I hope you're ready to Man Up.

I'm gonna win this match for me. Then I'll stake my claim to the Universal Championship.
That's right. This time will be different.

Not taking anything away from those guys either. If Steve wins, I know he's tough.
If Monkey wins... Well, I've never faced him, but I know that he's tough! If he beats Steve, he must be really good.

I know what I'm in for here. You betcha!

But Justin, don't think I'm taking you lightly. I know that I've got to defeat you first... You and probably some other guys. Maybe a lot of them.

I don't care. Heck, once I'm Champion, maybe I'll even give you a Title Match!

I plan to be Champion for a long, long, long, long, LONG time!
First thing's first.

Gotta win this match!

Whatever it is...]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/98/chicks-dig-scars Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:06:55 -0700 Nedved 98@/discussions Mr. Freebourne... I don't believe we have met.  Please allow me to introduce myself.  I am Valeri Nedved.

Because I am so courteous, you may call me "Val," for short.  It's that much easier to remember.


Talk about a class act.


Of course, it will not be difficult to remember me after the Battle of Canada - after all, there aren't very many wrestlers capable of breaking your torso in half with a single maneuver.  

Please do not take it personally, however.  

To prove that I mean no personal harm, I will try to minimize the damage I inflict upon your face so the young lasses that lust over you will not become disgusted by your appearance.  

In fact, they may give you even more attention than usual following our confrontation...

What's that old saying... chicks dig scars?


You will have no shortage of those, Justin..  

There is a colossal difference between losing to Bags and coming up against someone of my stature.  To say you're out of your league would be an understatement.  

You're David in a post-Biblical age.  Please don't poke an eye out with that slingshot.]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/97/the-battle-of-canada-is-about-to-get...justinized Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:28:03 -0700 monk 97@/discussions HI!!!

Oh look, it's Justin Freebourne, Nova Scotia's favorite son.  What the hell is he doing here?  And how is it that his brilliant pearly smile is even more blindingly white than it was before?

I hope everyone is doing SUPER AWESOME today!  I know I am.  You want to know why?  BECAUSE!  I've decided to return to ELITE again to enter myself in the Battle of Canada match!  To meet all those worthy competitors and to prove for once and for all that I AM ready for the big leagues.  That I AM ready for ELITE!  That I AM ready to be ELITE's youngest Universal Champion!!!

He stands in a heroic pose, the sun reflecting off his aviator shades in a way that almost looks cool...if you forget for a moment that his is Justin Freebourne we're talking about. 

But first the Battle of Canada.  This will be a battle I'm sure..a great battle!  But if there's anyone more qualified to defend the honor of Canada and claim the right to be called the Champion of Canada...

...well it's just gotta be me right?

Hmmm.  I mean...right?

Justin furrows his brow a moment in deep thought. 

Who else is in this match?  Oh well...guess I'll find out huh?  And then I'll kick their tooshies!

YEAH!

Freebourne out!

Double peace signs and pearly grin...gee isn't he just the cutest?
]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/96/bam. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:15:19 -0700 monk 96@/discussions
It being his oats...his funk...his groove...his hep nasty mojo...however you want to phrase it.  Mad Monkey is on the top of his game. 

He turns a corner and saunters on across the street to take in a nice stroll around a lovely park.  He nods towards the camera and grins that patented million dollar gold and diamond studded toothy grin.

Bam.

So...here we friggin' are.  Monkey and Suicide.  Goin' head to head for the big Kahuna...ELITE Universal Title on the line.  Oh yeah...it just got real friggin' real up in this bee-atch.   Heh.

But this here is what's being spat 'round the ol' campfires...these two buckaroos know each other pretty damn well.  They've been around the block a time or thirteen.  This ain't their first dadgum rodeo.

Lets get really real, Steve.  Neither one of us is really gonna be surprising the other one too much out there.  It's gonna be brutal...it's likely gonna get bloody...and most definitely gonna get dirty.  And it's gonna be a whole heapin' bushel and a peck of FUN.

Monkey climbs up to the top of a hill and looks down at a sparkling lake, just taking it all in.

Hell yeah.

But...and here's this here sexy bitch's big ol' butt...I think I gots the advantage.  See...being the king of the hill and holding the great big glorious title...ain't exactly like kids playin' king of the hill.  You don't gots the higher ground once that bell chimes three.  No siree bobalouie.

That mat is flat.  Level as dog shit under a steam roller.

Then...heh...you gotta be a bit on the defensive don't ya?  Cause you got everything to lose, Stevie...and I gots everything to gain.

Heh...course...it's not as epic as all that for real.  I mean...after you lose your title...you still got that lovely wife waiting at home... to wipe the sweat from your brow.  Those adoring children...to dress your wounds...mop up your blood.  You'll still have the dream firmly within your grasp.

He takes the hat off his head to feel the sun on his brow, closing his eyes briefly.  But then he scowls and starts to walk again with a bit more steam in his step.

What the hell have I got?  A kickass ranch in Austin and a pile of alimony payments?  Hmph.  THIS is what I'm living for right now.  To be the champ again.  To hold that title.  To gaze upon that sexy gold and hold it close to my heavin' bosom!  To be the champ.  Yeeeeeep.  THIS is my time.

MY...time, Steve.

You've proven everyone wrong.  You've shown that you still are a badass sumbitch that can mos def bring that shit.  We're all very proud of you, Steve.

And I expect you to bring it next Sunday as well.  One more time.  Let's show those kids...what EPIC really means.  Match of the Year type epic.

But once the night's getting long...once the strength starts to lag in those mighty arms of yours...

Then you'll know...it's time to go home to your children.  They missin' ya, Stevie. 



And I'm missing that gold.

Monkey winks into the camera, and saunters on down to the waters edge...
]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/95/preparing-the-brush. Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:51:43 -0700 Nedved 95@/discussions


People are so much more pleasant at night, aren't they?  Much more
childlike, really.  There's no room for bitterness or envy when the mind
is hard at work, fabricating alternate realities.  That expensive car
your neighbour just purchased and deliberately drives in front of your
house when he knows you'll be outdoors?  In your mind, you're driving a
much better one.  So much faster.  That girl who always turned you
down?  Now she's jealous of you.  



But people are fearful at night, too: afraid of what lurks in the
shadows, a heightened sense of insecurity magnifying their projected
fears.  Alas, reality is harsh.  We are in a permanent state of
entrapment, surrounded by things that stifle and frighten us -  the only
means of escape for many?  To imagine one's way out of reality.  Better
yet, fall fast asleep: let the unconscious mind work its magic.  



What if there arose an entity capable of infiltrating our lone sanctuary
-  the realm of make believe - and replacing our innocent, joyful
dreams with lucid nightmares?  What would be our refuge then?  Or would
we resign to a life of dread and suffering, unable to confront our fears
or overcome our shortcomings?





On this calm, still night, an unsettling feeling is prevalent.  Along
with tension in the air, there is a sense of ominousness.  It is not
subtle but rather a heavy feeling that reaches down into the pit of
one's stomach.  It feels as if a giant has descended from the hills, his
shadow so immense and dark that not even light from the stars or moon
is able to penetrate it.  



Is this real or fantasy?  Or have the lines become blurred now?



Hold fast.  Hold fast.  We discover that indeed, a large imposing
shadow's been cast - a most formidable forecast.  He is at work
once again, this haunting being whose morbid mind seeps into the depths
of the conscious and unconscious parts of the minds of his poor victims,
darkening their dreams, stealing their precious secrets, thriving on
the distortion and confusion he creates...



All appear naked before him - all are indecent and flawed, nothing to
conceal the inequities that prevent individuals from realizing their
dreams in the material world.  What an exciting new batch of fragile
failures to work with, numerous individuals who have had their dreams
shattered on countless occasions.  He knows why any of the men he
has set his sights on has failed better than each of those men himself
knows why.  But what is he to do with knowledge of the shortcomings of
his potential adversaries?  Manipulate and exploit.  The essence of all
art.    







It's time to paint.  ]]> http://www.elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/94/when-the-shark-surfaces... Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:01:19 -0700 Nedved 94@/discussions

In what has been a terrific start to my ELITE career, I, Valeri Nedved, have trounced my competition thus far... but according to a shady, somewhat perplexing character who goes by the name Jack Fellow, my apparent success is nothing more than an illusion and I am merely some sort of a pawn in J-Crew's convoluted scheme to achieve supremacy...


You know those shows where you can't see the strings attached to puppets?  Everything seems so realistic, doesn't it?  This is the nature of Val's show... except in this case, the strings that are supposedly attached to him aren't there at all upon close inspection.  Where did they go?  Who let the man free?  Sheer madness...

Or is it he who pulls the strings?


You're so adamant in your claims of stringing me along, Fellow, so disregardful of the fact that I still have cards up my sleeve.

Keep in mind that I have yet to unveil the full breadth of my agenda...

In four short months, I've made myself a staple in ELITE, yet so much remains unknown -  Are my motives benign or sinister?

Why am I here?  To conquer... to attain glory and fame... or perhaps to expose?

Think about it, Jack...

ELITE isn't my company.  I've carried myself with class and have been a consummate professional, only for the company to allow me to be ambushed repeatedly... so forgive me for saying that it won't exactly kill me inside if ELITE does perish at the hands of J-Crew... After all, I've always had many options available to me in the wrestling world.

Prior to stepping into this company, I was bored with the usual wrestling companies in Europe.  I had done everything, beat everyone... when suddenly, a new organization arose, called European League International Television Entertainment.  

I was eager to give it a shot... but there were numerous dissenters.  When ELITE resurfaced late last year, I finally opted to become a member hoping it would be a refreshing change of pace... but thus far, I have been very disappointed...

If I was to provide feedback to my peers back home, what would I say, Jack?

That ELITE gives in to aspiring, vanilla-flavored dipshits like Joshua Jones who choose not to compete in matches against roster members who are under contract?  

That ELITE gives free reign to thugs to run amuck, assaulting people with weapons and throwing matches at will?

By compromising this company's integrity, you and your fellow J-Crew members have tarnished it far worse than any mere mortal could have...
 

The great trick the Devil ever played?  Convincing the world he doesn't exist.  The Church's greatest trick?  Convincing the world that he does.

Apply these quotes carefully to Val - what is he at heart?  

What better way for an outsider to bring down a company than from inside... by making himself prominent and allowing his so-called enemies to do more internal damage to that company than any one mere mortal can do as they try to thwart him?  Or is he, after all, merely a good-natured gentleman who has been targetted by dastardly individuals?  Perhaps a bit of both?  The real world is not a black and white place.  And it is men such as Nedved who give it color.


"So... why persist?," many may be pondering.  Why don't I pack my bags and return to Europe?

It's quite simple, really...

Passive resistance may be a foreign concept in wrestling, whose popular morality is constructed around the idea of an eye for an eye, but it's the message that has been written with my blood that has empowered me in a way that merely ripping your head off could not have achieved, Jack...

Within four months, the bold and fearless newcomer shrouded in mystique has gone from being a dubious outsider and potential threat to this company to being something or a hero to the viewers that tune in...

Far from destroying me, you made me, Jack.

Like the tale of the Gladiator who defied an Empire and gained the backing of its inhabitants, earning their respect and admiration, the appeal of the legend of Valeri Nedved is rooted in an anti-conformist spirit that refuses to yield...

I have quickly become the Goldberg to your nWo, Fellow.  The masses are eating it up, they're loving every minute of suspense, every twist and turn that precedes our culminating showdown...


What can you say... people seem to idolize outspoken personalities who tell it the way it is.  Just ask Punk.  

This man is one hundred percent genuine... fuck censorship, fuck cliques and fuck politics.


Do not think I am not privy to murmurs and mumblings backstage...

"We'll bury him.  Let's screw this smug, pretentious foreigner on the largest stage so far and show him who's really in control," you hear.  

But this is the moment of truth, Fellow... for this company itself.

With the entire wrestling world looking on, fans paying good money to watch me tear you limb from limb, potential members and current roster members looking on to see whether J-Crew is kept in check, I do hope, for the sake of this company, that those in charge have the sense to make sure the absolute horseshit you and your colleagues have been pulling does not play a factor in the outcome of our match...

You said you wanted a cage match?  I'll do you one better, Fellow - how does Hell in a Cell sound?  Mull that over and get back to me...


Have we ever had one of those in e-fedding?  Who really cares, though?  There has to be a first time for everything awesome that happens.  


Are you starting to see the big picture now, Fellow?  I've used you and J-Crew to catapult me to the status of a bona fide hero... and now, with millions and millions of bloodthirsty spectators roaring my name in approval, I am going to render you something between a messy science experiment and a disfigured corpse, leaving your remains to serve as a tangible, gruesome reminder to the rest of J-Crew of what happens when you poke a shark one too many times.


Chomp.  Chomp.
]]>